i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
