I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
