if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
