Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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