Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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