After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm too high and old for this...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
