his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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