Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
