I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
