Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
