I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
