So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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