capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
