somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
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