She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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