Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
