Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It's rum buckets o'clock
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
