What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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