I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm at about main and main street
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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