made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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