just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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