His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
