Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
