mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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