you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
