HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
