Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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