if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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