I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
