This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
