oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
