it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
