I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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