I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
