Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
