i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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