it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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