Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
