Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
