This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
