Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
