Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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