you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
