She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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