I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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