haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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