so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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