i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
