My brain says no but my pants say off.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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