It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
