how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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