It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
