Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Its about making memories worth repressing
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize