Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
