like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
