i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Well I just put wine in my tea
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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