you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
