I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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