No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
