Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
