I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
