The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
