The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
soo... how was my night?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
