He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We left the knife in your bed.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
