Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
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