i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
