I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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